Self Esteem, Body Image, Spirituality and Tough Love

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This is a long overdue post that I am finally sitting down to write and share with you.

Maybe no better time to write on serious subjects than now as I am going through a very significant personal growth experience. Facing the final days of a close soul… contemplating life and the meaning of life and death as my parter is in the process of helping his father transition. Today also happens to be 8 years of my grandpa passing.

Not a day passes by without me hearing from one of our community members who is dealing with an Eating Disorder due to Low Self Esteem, Trauma or Poor Body Image. While I don’t consider myself to be the expert on the subject I do feel compelled to offer my persecutive on self image, self esteem, eating disorders and life as a whole and if I can soothe just one person’s soul I will feel happy enough.

Whenever I express a stripped down and honest opinion, without sugar coating it or trying to make it sound like something you want to hear, I sound harsh or even cold. The truth is that if something makes you upset, if you resist certain information or God forbid if it angers and scares you then you have to pause and ask yourself, “why is this making me angry, why is this scaring me?”

Now consider this, and I am not saying this from my high horse of spiritual purity and attainment; I am saying this as one human to another that is contemplating my own ego and my own process of growth and liberation from lies and illusions.

Perhaps the reason that you have these issues with self acceptance is because your ego and sense of self importance is too strong.

Maybe you are very sensitive which is a sign of an overpowering ego which puts a lot of focus on the self, self image, the emotions and the feelings of the perception of who you are and how you look to others. The trick is to quiet the mind and the relentless chatter within. Once your mind is quiet you will find that any thought of who you think you are is upsetting.  Why are your feelings so important?  Did we all come here to endlessly look at ourselves and keep beating ourselves up and healing ourselves after? Or did we come here to accept who we are as a reflection of the ultimate being; realizing how great we are while at the same time how insignificant we are.

I don’t know about you but when I realize that the luxury and yes I repeat LUXURY of having low self esteem won’t help anyone and it certainly won’t let my own soul grow I then decide in a snap to not even care about myself. Which is extremely liberating and in a way ironically leads to a healthy self esteem as we are able to put the self in the background and put our own purpose for being here on the forefront. Which is service to others. As a result we actually begin to love and like ourselves more because we don’t have time to sit and think about our lack of perfection too much.

I do realize that my way of writing is very vague and broad so I will do my best to make it a practical and down to earth 1-2-3 article on “how to”.


1. Sit down with your grand self and realize that the Higher Power (God, Consciousness, Divine Love, Divine Awareness) loves you as it is all Love and you not-loving yourself is in essence in disagreement with the flow of divinity.

2. Sit down with your self and realize that you don’t matter. You are too small in the grand scheme of things and your body size, self image and so forth are truly insignificant and unimportant in the grand scheme of things within the Universe. As a matter of fact the lower consciousness of self obsession is actually preventing the cosmic flow from its ultimate spiral and dance. It is lowering the vibrational frequencies of the collective Consciousness.

This makes you feel like shit. Right? You are so small, you don’t even matter. But then if you are so small and we are all equal that leads to the next point- we are all equally important because we are all a part of the one. We are ONE. This thought is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time

This ironically can make you realize your own grandness and uniqueness within the whole.

Never think to yourself that you are so special, but also understand that you are very special. You are as special as everyone else and there is zero reason to feed your ego with things that your parents are guilty of telling you as a kid such as “You are the most special little princess on Earth” “You are so pretty” or even the opposite “You are stupid” “You are this, You are that” It’s all a part of the ego trap. You are EVERYTHING AND YOU ARE NOTHING AT ALL.
Which reminds me of this song  that I love dearly <3

So hug that freedom and go run wild in the wind with it. 🙂

You are as grand and as free as the wind and the light.

3. Ask yourself: Why are you here? Your beauty will eventually diminish. It will melt and disappear! Your health will go. It will melt and vanish! Even if you are Giselle you will get very old and you may not be fresh and thin and vibrant on the outside. As a matter of fact according to magazine standards you will be pretty gross and ugly on the outside. So the fight for beauty is a loosing battle. Does that mean anything? Not really- I am just confronting your ego and its own  attachment to the body. Do enjoy your body, enjoy your senses! Be healthy! Eat good! Do not participate in violence and cruelty which the meat industry is the “innocent” pusher for! Your soul on its deepest most honest level knows whats right from wrong and what hurts our soul the most. Maybe most of the Eating Disorder problems stem from the fact that people’s souls do no longer feel as if they can participate in sick industries putting junk and dead flesh into their divine (and yes temporary) bodies. When you eat- feed your soul, not your gut.

Pre junk food and factory farming industries I bet eating disorders were virtually unknown.

One particular line I read as a teenager will forever stay with me. I was reading a lecture by Beinsa Douno and he explained that here on Earth we are pretty good at hiding the soul behind the body. So a jealous, envious or a hateful person can hide behind a well manicured face and a well kept body and that person can be well respected in society. Once we die there is nothing to hide behind. We become just that- our jealousies or our benevolence. Its our choice. We are who we are and everyone sees us for who we are with all our emotions, thoughts and feelings right there on a pedestal. There is no pretense, no lies, no fake smiles and make up. We are there bare and naked as pure essence. Imagine the hell some go through that are used to a high maintenance body and never put much work or practice into the purity of their heart. Now imagine the beauty of a compassionate soul.  And smile!

You are here to grow and change. You are here to contribute to an evolving humanity. You are here to expand your own consciousness and that of the entire collective soul.  You are here to experience divinity through this beautiful body and soul of yours. Keep growing on the soul level because that s what you take with you through lives. The body is finite your consciousness is infinite. Forget yourself. Lose yourself. Lose your self-importance and self obsession. This ultimately will lead you to the greatest freedom and joy while taking you on a road of actual greatness and uniqueness as a glowing, growing soul.


Oh and I did say 1-2-3 but here is  a

4. Don’t think about yourself too much. Try and keep your mind empty of inner dialogue. Thinking is usually either bound to the past as regrets and pain or related to the future as fears and anxiety. Stay in the moment with as little inner dialogue as possible. If you find that you are having too much chatter in your head then try drinking a glass of water and simply breath deeply in and breath deeply out in a calm and steady way and within five minutes you will feel liberated. It’s that simple!

Maybe all your fears will come true, maybe none of them will. If they do you will get through them and it won’t be as bad as you thought it would be. Don’t sit and think about what people owe you, or how they offended you- that’s all your inflated, unrealistic sense of self importance and entitlement. Understand that your biggest strength is your worthlessness and your profound value at the same time. Only an enlarged ego gets offended and hurt or gets insulted. Be here to shine and serve and help. Think about all the ways in which you can uplift the world and the collective conscious. ( a distinction I must make here-  if someone oversteps their boundaries DO remove them from your life and thus forgive them. My point is don’t get personally hurt and offended but externally do act in accordance. You are no ones punching bag. Only participate in relationships that are based on mutual respect and love. Remove yourself from disfunction. )

Don’t isolate yourself in your own suffering and aloneness. We all suffer and hurt. We are in it together wether we know it and feel it or not.


Don’t be a sensitive soul. Sensitivity is the ego looking for pain. Be emotional, not sensitive! Be an expanded, caring, joyous ecstatic soul. Celebrate your soul and your body as well. Dance, walk barefoot on dewy grass in early mornings and tiptoe through hot sand in the summer. Live, sing, wear lipstick and bangles (if you will), get tattoos, draw your eyebrows… or not, henna your hair (guys grow a beard 😛 ) , take care of your body, keep your body in a healthy weight range but don’t obsess over it. To care about your body is only natural… we are yogis after all. We are here on Earth! Attachment is where things go wrong.


We are also ecstatic together. It is all a part of why and how we will grow- through pain, joy and love we shall grow.


Every thought that you have resonates in the Universe into Eternity. Make it a powerful and a pure thought.


We live in society where having a high self esteem is frowned upon. We are all supposed to be uncomfortable while receiving a compliment as it is such a big deal and if it’s of such big importance to us. The truth is you are beautiful- get over it! If someone says you are beautiful say “thanks” don’t take it too personally. If you do then next time someone calls you “ugly” you will take that personally as well. It’s all the dance of the ego.  Have good self esteem, don’t be ashamed of it, don’t be pushed into society’s fake modesty rules. The less you worry about yourself the more you will like yourself.

Now that we got that out of the way, get to work! You have a world to change! Go get it done (wo)man!



Love to you all!



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  1. Kristel's Gravatar

    What a beautiful way to get out of my bed reading your post, a very good old familiar reminder. And …I…LOVE…that SONG !!!

    I felt your wisdom in your silence before. I loved you because of your unspoken wisdom, but I am so happy you are speaking now..The world needs it…So maybe I should start to speak a bit more too (mostly I shut up). Maybe it’s time. Thanks to inspire.

  2. kimberleyp22's Gravatar

    <3! Awesomely relevant. Tx u as always.

  3.'s Gravatar 8th February 2015, 3:29 pm

    Ali, thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. I’m always amazed how the universe gives me exactly what I need exactly when I am able to listen.
    My soul is truly touched. My ego desperately needed a talking to.
    And I will come back to your article again to remind myself.
    With love and gratitude

  4. laurajones-miller1's Gravatar
    laurajones-miller1 9th February 2015, 6:32 pm

    Ah Ali…beautiful…the concept of the power of all combined is the one that I live by too. I think we all are an energy which is a limb of the divine…of God. That is a concept that makes all of us together…all of us pulling each other up…all of us holding onto the shared love and emotion we share with all living things…our most important quest. The tenet that we shall live without doing harm is so awe inspiring. That harm includes doing harm to ourselves …as well as to one another. When we set up silly premises of what beauty is and who has it…well…that leaves a huge space for most not to be able to “participate”..ever to face ridicule…These are silly and superficial standards set by…Whom?…I guess I think those standards are set to capture a sense of superiority…they often go hand in hand with material worth and an entitlement…really silly…I would like to say that your description of beauty…warm sand and dewy grass under your feet is one that our poets and sages have striven to bring to our understanding through the ages. I guess that accepting anything that tells you you aren’t alright just as you are is sad and destructive. I can honestly tell you that the years of going through loss and sadness has made me a much softer person…It is impossible to believe “you have control over” all that surrounds you after a couple of very hard knocks. I can also say, with divine gratitude, that these last years here with you, studying yoga, listening to Osho, talking with each other, building this amazing community together, has helped me grow into a person who feels quite content in my own skin…whatever the condition of that the “skin” happens to be in at the moment. I know that as I age…staying healthy is very important. One can not contribute as much if one isn’t well. It seems to me that this quest for staying healthy, and helping others, as well as the planet,…is a very worthwhile endeavor. I thank you my dear friend for all that you do …all that you continue to do…is such an amazing , selfless gift…Love and more more love on this lovely winter day, xoxox, L

  5. Valentina's Gravatar

    Thanks, for sharing your knowledge.

    It is honest and to leads me to question my current situation.


  6. Jaime Motos's Gravatar

    As an individual who has battled with anorexia most of my life and a licensed mental health professional I want to thank you for liberating me from having “to be special”. Maintaining one’s mental and emotional health cannot be separated from our physical and spiritual health. For myself, I came to realize that I was my own worst enemy. As you have stated, this was not something I realized right away but unfortunately after many years of self-destructive and abusive behaviors. I can only speak for myself when I say anorexia is not about some aesthetic look I was trying to achieve. In fact, losing weight was my attempt at diverting attention from myself and just “disappearing”. I have always felt this “need” to be in control of all that is around me. With this control comes a sense of responsibility not only for my actions and well-being but for those around me as well. Why? My inflated ego and sense of self-importance. What makes me so great that I should be responsible for everyone? Why must I always feel as if I need to be the martyr or the one that suffers? Many think (and I did too for some time) that I suffered from lack of self-worth but it was just the opposite. While it is okay for others to make mistakes and be less than perfect, I don’t offer myself this same freedom. I studied ballet throughout my childhood and teen years and though I loved the way dance made me feel it also served to drive my longing for perfectionism even deeper. I ran and swam competitively but the only time I can see I really enjoyed these things was when I was doing them alone. Yoga has been a God send for me. It has made me confront, listen to, cooperate with and take care of my body and my mind instead of demanding perfection fro them. It continues to help me in learning how the two can reside together in peace and cooperation inside this one imperfect individual. I was truly amazed when I saw your post because I had never encountered another person discussing this even with all my years of mental health education. This has altered the way I view mental health as a practitioner and I work with my clients from a holistic and mindfulness oriented perspective. This is the same approach I take in raising my two sons as well. Thank you again for your yoga and your words of inspiration. Congratulations on becoming a mom. Motherhood opened my eyes to the fact I am not the most important and don’t have to be.

  7. rylakmegan's Gravatar

    I loved this post. It was definitely a shake you by the shoulders type lesson, which is refreshing in a society that is so easily “offended”. I know this is an older post, but I’ve only just joined and have been browsing.
    The sentence that jumped out at me was “stop being so sensitive, be emotional!” which is so…freeing. For me being sensitive has been like drowning, people dont respect it, and they laugh at you (me) for it. But to be emotional, to speak your truth, stand up for yourself…that to me seems healthy. Very interesting take, glad I came across it.

    • Ali Kamenova's Gravatar

      Thank you. I think there is a form of emotionality that we put on other people as a form of manipulation that disempowers us in return. It is great to feel and be in tune with our emotions. I guess a long and a complex subject… 🙂 Welcome to my site and enjoy the classes <3

  8. SuzanneV's Gravatar

    Thank you. Just thank you. P.S. couldn’t access the song

  9. SuzanneV's Gravatar

    I read this and was going to comment and now I see I already did, last July! Wow.
    I loved it again the second time!
    I’ve been feeling badly about my recent email and after reading this I realize I shouldn’t …
    just living in the past. xo Suzanne

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